Worlds, thresholds, year ends…..

We all create worlds around us. Worlds with self given names, desired dynamics and associated predictability… be it a world of business or worldly relationships where we want ourselves to act in a chosen way for a desired outcome OR a personal world where like a painter’s canvas we expose ourselves to the mercy of other beings who we think have all the rights to create us. This creating of worlds in the midst of controllable and uncontrollable predictability is sometimes i think what we call as living life.

I am seeing every day, people around me creating, non-stoppingly, different worlds of all sorts, dark and horny worlds where the only way to survive is trusting no one …. soft and harmonious worlds where the only intent to live is to live for others…apathetic and devoid-of-meaning worlds where life becomes just a stone rolling or an eighteenth century portrait staring in the dark….uncanny and spiritual worlds where the whole pursuit becomes finding more light and meanings…

Now the funny part is, the more we spend time in putting details to our created worlds, the more we become used to of living in it.Its like a love affair. The whole creation becomes the comfort zone, the only reality, the life for us, and we start thinking as if a movie is playing with all stereo and Dolby effects where we are just characters delightedly condemned to follow the storyline written by an outsider us….When this happens, we reach what i can call ‘the yield point threshold of life’, a point of un-seemingly no return… a point where any load applied to our seemingly elastic life provides no change to the pattern or color or state of our perceived self.

Most of us reach this threshold quite early in their lives, though appearing to think they have not…making the rest of the life just a comic or tragic following of a story. Some of us think of this threshold close to every end of the year, thinking of giving new colors to the already led sepia-scopic life and buying some more time before the yield point occurs…. Very few dare to create a world from scratch and exceptionally few do it every year.

So here I am… at the end of another year… a miraculously revealing year, a butterfly year, a year when so many things happened to me…. and yet here i am at the end of another year, with pretty much the same questions dancing around my head …surely unsure of if i have crossed the yield point threshold of my life… here i am  again, still dreaming to create new worlds from scratch…New desires, new loves blossoming within my soul. So many new journeys to make, ever shrinking and ever expanding  butterfly moments to pass, and i am still half way to heaven and no way nearer….

I want to end this year’s last blog with one of Neruda’s poems..

Mientras escribo estoy ausente
y cuando vuelvo ya he partido:
voy a ver si a las otras gentes
les pasa lo que a mi me pasa,
si son tantos como soy yo,
si se parecen a si mismos
y cuando lo haya averiguado
voy a aprender tan bien las cosas
que para explicar mis problemas
le hablare de geografia….

While i am writing, I’m far away;