On Vipassana, and the Law of Anni-chey!

“I think it’s time you try Vipassana and start practicing the law of Anni-chey” Ertyas said. “And why do you think it’s the right time for me?”. “Well! it seems you are fighting your battles from your past in your future, but you are not living in the present and perhaps you should try living in the present more”. “I am living in the present, am I not with you now, listening and enjoying your beautiful company and crazy recommendations”? I said flirtishly. “You see you are sitting with me here, but you are thinking more about the future, and nothing lasts forever, and for that reason the very suffering comes from our cravings of the future we want”. “But you know I am weary of all these devotional ritualistic practices. Is one God, one life, and one You not enough?”. I was still in a chill mode, without really listening to what she was saying. Taking me as a lost case, she started looking out of the window with her usual smile.

This conversation was many years back, and as story is a story, I forgot about it until very recently when, in the beginning of the year, I was feeling very anxious about my past and future and where my life is taking me, and I came to think of this old recommendation again and started researching Vipassana course, only to find there is a 3-month waiting period.

The local Vipassana chapter in-charge called before the course, asking if I have had any mental illness in the past and I joked, other than few heart breaks nothing serious. I asked him, what should I do and what to bring, and he said, just bring yourself and prepare to observe noble silence for 10 days with no mobile phone or internet access and try to give a fair chance to what will be thought. I inquired about how much it will cost, and he candidly said you don’t have to pay a penny but if you think you gained something from what will be taught you can contribute for future students in any way you can.

Silence, no mobile phone or internet, and no charges for the course, so many red flags, I thought for a while, but since the recommendation came from a trusted friend, I decided to proceed, thinking it cannot be worse than what I have gone through. And so began my 10 days of Vipassana journey. I don’t want to write much about Vipassana teaching technique here, as it is very experiential in nature, but I can say for sure that it’s not something religious or devotional where you must take a leap of faith in the beginning and the realization comes much later. On the contrary I found it very empirical and somewhat rationalistic. The teacher went so far as to say that if you don’t find everything right about it, just take back whatever you feel is right.

I can also say that being silent was not the hardest part of it at all. It was rather first steps, in peeling of different layers towards the outside and focusing more on the inside. Letting go of mobile was more difficult in this modern age living, letting go of my watch perhaps even more for me, and the list goes on…. I struggled, letting go of time, letting go of physical pain of sitting long hours, letting go of memories, letting go of habitual cravings, letting go of habitual aversions and habitual mind-wanderings and on and on and on…. I wondered our modern life is so full of artificial things, and that Gautam had to start with his body and mind only, how difficult it would have been for Gautam to let go of his iPhone if he was born in 21st century.  

The first two days were spent fighting, in not-fighting with my carnal cravings and aversions. The physical pain is soon forgotten by the mental pain of keeping the mind observant and quiet. I remember so many things from the past, memories of things and people and places that I thought I have forgotten, they all kept coming back in sharp 3D & 4k resolution with full sounds and fury.

The teacher was kind, wise and compassionate . He was always reminding about the ignorance of the mind, and to be in the reality and not what you want the reality to be, and to be compassionate even on one’s own self. I realized compassion is also practiced wisdom and that only wisdom is nothing unless one is not practicing it with compassion; it’s like a journey in sufistic traditions from “Rehman” to “Raheem”.

In the last days, I asked the teacher “How can we differentiate between cravings/wants in life and basics needs. Do I have to stop craving for my basic needs as well? I don’t want to be a monk and discard my responsibilities only to sit beneath a tree, meditating!” I felt the teacher heard this question before when he answered, “ you cannot run away from anything in life anyways, and it is perfectly ok to be a householder and not to be a monk, to raise children, to take care of people around you and your responsibilities, and at the same time practicing mastery of mind as well as practicing compassion with a quiet and aware mind”.  

Later in the night during the discourses I heard Goenka ji saying “You have to even accept the pain as well, as your own, don’t run away from it, only in accepting it will make it fade away. Nothing is permanent, Anni-chey! , Anni-chey!”  He kept on reminding us until the very last day.

I was thinking after 10 days of silence, my phone will blast with messages and complains from my office, and perhaps some messages and news from my loved ones, but nothing happened. Life was going! Everyone was busy in their own illusions and charades, the world was still moving. Another realization that the world will not stop without us although we like to think otherwise.

Sitting now at my Dubai apartment balcony… giving my self liberty to look abit in the past and thinking why I haven’t done this course earlier.  My life would have been different and better I guess? or maybe not.  But then perhaps there is no such thing as good or bad in life, there is life and I need to accept it as it is and not what I would like it to be, and everything, joy, compassion, love, happiness and wisdom can manifest themselves in the present when the time comes… As they say, when the student is ready, the teacher appears. And I recalled Goenka ji saying Annichey! Annichey! Start again! Start again, start with a quite mind…..

P.S. If interested in Vipassana course, you can visit www.dhamma.org