Istanbul to Dar

Dear Ertyaas
A beautiful apartment facing the enormous indian ocean, a long balcony to look at the passing boats and ships,the rising sun from the depths of the ocean, the sea changing its colors from white to yellow to blue to black and then a silvery white, as if a child is born in the morning and grows old with the moon the same day………… my new nest where i am trying to settle just like a ghost trying to settle up in a big palace, not wanting to be disturbed by the events around, and yet determined to live…… some times i think I too am becoming a ghost, a nothingness, which is full of past unfinished businesses forcefully trying to live in the unnatural naturalness of the world…. So here I am in Dar es salam (literaly ‘the abode for peace’) tanzania, amid a peaceful ambiance but where to find the inner peace, that is no where to be seen in the city inside me. Even complaining doesn’t helps now with the pangs of loneliness inside. But then again, this is me, i choose this life and no one to blame to 🙂 , for how can i blame others of not forcing me to live a different life when i cannot.

I had a good long weeks in turkey, ending up walking a whole day in the streets of Istanbul with a turkish family i made friends with. I am astonished by myself if i can still make new friends, i thought that was destiny playing pranks on me, and i thinking of taking it of my conscious effort. You must and must and must go to Istanbul. Its a city where wonders happened and still happening and will happen… a city of history and culture and freedom and past and life and hope and a place where east and west are meeting so humbly together and what not , but may be you don’t need to go at all, just think of it and create an Istanbul of your mind and make yourself lost in the grand bazaar with small turning streets which make you loose the sense of direction, the magical shops selling old lamps and backgammon boards and small little chess pieces, all this you just need to touch and they comes to life taking you years behind , in the days of cruel kings and beautiful fairies and the sad princesses smiling sadly and the jinnie awaiting to come out of its lamp……… or just lay at the 500 year old Hamam built by the great architect Sinan and still steaming with hot water for the people who come to relax, you dont even have to bother, just think of the yildiz park and you will be there in an instant, a green hill which used to be the country house of the old Sultan and which as the keeper of the the park says goes white when the winter comes, the small little quarter house which looks upon the whole of Istanbul city and can order a chai without milk to enjoy the minute bitterness coming on your tongue, which may remind you of someone you lost for good, and like a haunted quarter house the mysterious emptiness will fill up with all the memories and good times spent … i got stray again, but what to do, my insanity haunts me with all the voices I so want to hear but cant, and instead create this silly voices in your mind with my silly words.Yes for you i know i am just made of words or just the empty spaces within those words trying to nullify my life in order to give you hope and meaning………

The ghost in the palace of Dar is settled quite comfortably now, waiting for the east african magic to happen to him, which may give him some piece of mind, at least for a while. The omens are promising so far…..
till later
S.